Our Trip to Mumbai Part 3....

If there are three words in the English language that can wreak more havoc on a diet than "Complimentary Breakfast Buffet" - - I don't know what they are!!  Amy Suzanne had an 8:30 A.M. call to meet Ganesh, our driver, out in front of the hotel.  I was dying for a cup of coffee, so I went downstairs first and read the complimentary Times of India newspaper.  I took a look at the breakfast buffet...and opted for a nice, safe omelet...then I saw the other end of the line and all of the Indian specialties...paneer, roti, dal, dosa...  I may have over-loaded my plate a bit.  Amy came downstairs, studying her slide presentation (not really certain if she was going to use it or not...) and had a bit of breakfast as well.  It was really quite good...the Indian choices were outstanding and the omelet-bar ladies knew what they were doing!!

We climbed into the back of Ganesh's car and Suzanne's stop was to be first.  We told the driver to take us to "The Indian School of Business" - - which, it seems is universally known as "ISB".  Evidently this is not known in Bombay.  We told Ganesh "ISB'...and off we went.  The traffic was bad...but not deadly-bad - - we wound our way around the "residential district" where our hotel was....and - - Ganesh stops the car and says "We are here, Ma'am..."

Well...as Suzanne pointed out immediately, this was definitely NOT "the place" unless Deloitte has begun recruiting students who are very young!!!!  Walking up the steps to a place clearly signed as "ISB" - were dozens of small Indian children in school uniforms, with their huge book-bags strapped on their tiny backs (I call these "self-propelled backpacks!!") - - and each one had a badminton racket sticking out of the top pouch!!  "Ganesh, I don't think this is the right place!!" said Suzanne...with a puzzled sound to her voice...

I chimed-in:  "Yeah, Ganesh....I think this is the "Indian School of Badminton" !!"

Ganesh gets out of the car and goes and asks one of the parents (who were standing outside this "ISB"... busy getting their kids inside for class) for directions.  NOT a good feeling when your 8,500 miles from home and your DRIVER doesn't know where the hell you are!!  It must have been a common question, because another man began pointing straight and then gesturing to the right.  It seems that the proper "ISB" was very close by!  And it was.  We got Suzanne to her destination on-time....I gave her a good-luck kiss and in she went!

I told Ganesh that it was a day to do sightseeing for me...and that I first wanted to go to Elephanta Island.  He said "No problem, Sir" (the most common phrase that a driver must learn in "drivers school"!)  And, while it really wasn't a "problem", per se...I don't think that even seasoned-driver Ganesh expected that it was going to take just over two hours to get to Downtown Mumbai!!!

The stop-and- go traffic was simply some of the worst I have ever seen in my life (and I have lived in Los Angeles all of my life!!)  Almost beyond belief!!  It was far more "stop" than "go" - - we crawled along, barely ever getting the car up to 20 KPH...even on the flyovers.  There was a big backup at the Rajiv Gandhi Sea Bridge - also known as the "Bandra-Worli Sea Link" (see photo at the top of this article) - where we stopped to pay a toll.  This is a relatively new bridge which was just opened this past June.  India’s first open sea bridge, the bridge is a 5.6-km cable-held engineering marvel that was expected to cut travel time by 80 percent for this city’s harried commuters!!  If this is so....then I daresay I would have slit my wrists driving in this town pre-bridge-opening!!

We arrived at the appointed drop-off place (at a park surrounding the Gateway of India monument) - - and I told Ganesh that I would like to be back in the car and headed for the hotel before the afternoon "rush hour" (as if there is any difference!) - which I had heard begins at 5:00 P.M.  I thanked him....and was immediately descended upon by 4-5 people telling me that I should buy my ferry tickets to the Island from them!!  Being totally lost...I chose the guy who seemed to speak the best English....and followed him to a row of ticket-shacks (I'd use the term "booth" - - but - that's really not what they were.)  I paid my 200.00 rupees, which included my ferry ticket to Elephanta Island and a little photo and guide book that had a rudimentary map of the area.  That's about $4.00 total in U.S. dollars.

The nice man who walked me to get my ticket told me that I had just missed the 11:00 A.M. boat (remember....it had been a TWO HOUR PLUS trip from the time we dropped Amy off at the REAL "ISB"!!  It was now after 11:00 in the morning!) -   but not to worry....there would be another boat on the half-hour and every half-hour until 5:00 P.M.  In the meantime...he offered to "show me around"...  I knew I was going to have to tip him for this "service"  - - he was good company and knew his way around the square....but I should have known there was some sort of ulterior motive to his spending "quality time" with some American tourist like me!  It seems there always is in these tourist destinations...you just sort of need to get used to it!!  We walked around the park where the Gateway of India is - - and there were many Euro and American-looking tourists snapping pictures...and for every tourist - there were 25 Indians... all selling something - post-cards, trinkets and bangles, balloons, photo and printing services (I did this at Warangal and got some good photos from the experience....they take the pics...and sell you copies)  The very best thing about having my "guide" with me was that he kept the hawkers and beggars away from me.  Well...all but the really hard-core salesmen and women who simply did NOT know the meaning of the words "No thank you, I really don't need a 10-pack of balloons today!"

There were some beautiful old banyan trees in the park....lots of people sitting and enjoying their wonderful shade.  While it was not "summertime-hot" during our short visit to Bombay - - it was plenty warm....and waaaaay more humid than on the Deccan Plateau where Hyderabad lies.  It was pretty steamy by 11:15 A.M.

My new friend and I began to leave the perimeter of the park and headed up a small side-street.  While I felt perfectly safe (this guy was really protective of me!) - I kept an eye out for the way back to the docks where the ferry boat was due to leave from in a short fifteen minutes.  We made a left-turn and then a right turn....and - then he said the words I should have known were coming:

"Please, step into my shop!"

To be continued in the next two parts ...."Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Kashmir Rugs (But Were Afraid To Ask!)" - and - "The Boat to Elephanta Island"

Our Trip To Mumbai (Bombay) - Part Two

Waiting for us outside of the terminal, in a group of other taxi and other professional drivers, was our "designated driver" for the week, a wonderfully competent man by the name of "Ganesh".  I don't know what it is about us and our drivers....but - they always seem to be named after some very important gods!  "Our" Ganesh had a little bright orange plastic idol of his namesake on the dashboard of his Toyota...so - along with my constant litany of Our Fathers and Hail Marys - I figured that we were covered across the wide Indian deity spectrum.  You learn very quickly that fervent prayer while in the midst of Mumbai traffic is not a luxury, it is a necessity. 

I never thought I'd say this....but traffic at home in Hyderabad is a smooth and easy as a merry-go-round ride compared to the streets of Mumbai.  The lines painted on the street, while all-over-India are merely "suggestions" rather than actual "lane markers".  It was in Mumbai that I finally figured out why it is that there are fairly high stone-and-concrete median-walls in the middle of roads to separate traffic going in opposite directions.  If these walls were not there....whichever direction the most cars are heading in would win the battle and take over - - literally pinching everyone else off the street!!!

Our first official taste of a Bombay Traffic Jam (a good name for a rock-band, I'm thinking!) came on the way to the hotel.  The domestic airport (the smaller of the two in Mumbai - - the other being the International Airport a little further up the road) is pretty-much in the central area of this enormous city of almost 14-million people.  "Downtown" - the Old City - is to the south and on a peninsula - surrounded on three sides by water...on the east by a bay known as Thane Creek and the Arabian Ocean along the other two.  Our hotel - the Ramada Powai - up in a more residential area and with its own "convention center" - was further to the north.  Looking on a map you might think a 15-20 minute drive, tops.  You WISH!!

There was stop-and-go traffic (more "stop" than "go"!) all the way to the hotel.  Frankly speaking, the streets are simply too narrow in Bombay...but there's not a whole lot they can do about this because of the crowding...they have tried to build a few strategically-placed "flyovers" (long "bridges" of highway that run over some of the main streets and roads - Hyderabad has sucessfully done several of them ...and they seem to work...) - but even the flyovers are packed during peak traffic hours.  "They" say it's 45-minutes to the hotel from the airport.  It was 1.5 hours before we arrived.

We stayed at the Ramada Powai - - which really was a nice hotel...no complaints!!  The restaurant was nice...the bar was really nice...and the breakfast buffet was complementary - - three things to always look for in a hotel!  We called Krishna at home to makes sure that Beloved was O.K. - - and that our friend Aubrey had some by to pick up her dog, "Loki" the Yorkshire Terrier that we had been watching the week before.  Krishna gave us the "Bee is good, sir" report that I always like to hear.  And then we went to sleep.  Amy had an 8:00 A.M. pick-up time for her recruiting trip to the Indian School of Business - and I was planning my day around going to Elephanta Island to see the caves and the enormous Shiva temples carved out of natural stone on the island. 

Here are the photo links to my Facebook Albums:

Our Trip to Bombay 2010

Our Visit From Loki the Yorkie

More to come in parts 2 and 3 - - next: "The Indian School of Badminton and Elephanta Island!"

Our Trip To Mumbai (Bombay) - Part One

In case the news has not traveled - - Amy's trip to the U.S. was more than just a little successful.  After her trip to Orlando for some training with Deloitte - - she made her way to the Capital Challenge Horse Show in Maryland.  This was an extremely important horse show for her...she was leading in the National points standings for the World Champion Hunter Rider overall title since just before we left for Hyderabad - - and her lead held-up even after four months of living in India - and not riding a decent hunter the entire time!!  The biggest problem in her mind was that she was completely out of practice.  She got to Maryland and did her best to get tuned-up in a hurry for the show.  If she was going to win this year (she was the defending champion and nobody expected her to show up all the way from Hyderabad!) it was going to take a lot of skill, a good horse to borrow, a little luck, and the stars were going to have to be aligned just right!

Well....she did it....she rode just as well as she could and kept her lead throughout the show - - and was once again the World Hunter Rider series champion!!  Here is the  link to the news... In a nutshell - here is what it says:

"Amy Brubaker, who now resides in India, returned to the Capital Challenge to collect the WCHR Adult Amateur National title."  and.... "Adult Amateur 36-50 division reserve champion in the division was El Raymond, ridden by Amy Brubaker for Jamie Donovan."

It was time to come home.  As she usually does, ASB "hit the ground running" just as soon as she returned to Hyderabad...I literally had to talk her out of going straight to the office when we picked her up at the airport at around midnight on the morning of the 12th!!  During the next week-or-so, (as the jet-lag slowly subsided) - she asked me if I wanted to go to Delhi along with her on a Deloitte recruiting trip.  While that trip fell-through - - we did schedule a three-day-two-night trip to Bombay for the same purpose.

The story of that trip follows:

We were due to fly out on Monday afternoon at around 3:00 P.M. Keeping me happy by actually arriving an hour early for the flight...Suzanne and I did some poking around the Hyderabad International Airport and the shops inside. We were flying on "JetLite" airlines - - and - as it turns out...there is only one class of seats on this type of flight: "Economy". Think "Southwest Airlines" on a 737 - - with even LESS leg-room!!!

We got on the plane...and Amy drew the short straw.  Not only tight-quarters - - but the dreaded "middle seat" was hers as well!  Before we even got started complaining about the lack of leg-room....the people in front of us crank their seats back and begin crushing our knees.  Before I could get adjusted to the pain and the cramped seating arrangement...my loving wife said, fairly loudly (she was in no mood, I can tell you!): "Would you please not put your seats back...you're smashing my husband's knees!!

Now...you don't need to have been living in India for very long to notice (and, believe me, this will come as NO surprise to my Indian readers...) that there is no concept of "personal space" in this culture.  Other corollaries to this law of the land to are to be found in Indian auto traffic ("If you hesitate, you will never move!") and...my personal favorite: the concept of "standing politely in line" is virtually unknown here ("If you don't watch your spot or hold your place with aggression - you will lose!!")

Amy was ignored just long enough for her to grab the back of the lady's seat ahead forcibly push her forward!!  I did not know that this was even possible.  The lady looked back and Amy said to her: "Your seat is not supposed to be reclined at takeoff anyway (we were taxiing toward runway along the tarmac by this time...) Hey. it's not my rule...talk to the airline!"

There was a tentative truce until we got off the ground.  The lady put her seat back again...but adjusted it forward about an inch.  Her male travelling companion turned around and asked if this was O.K. - and Amy didn't really answer him...she just glowered at him...

We had picked up a copy of The Times of India (one of the actually decent newspapers here) at the bookstore...Amy began to read it...but not without some malice aforethought.  With the lady's head tipped back toward her extended newspaper...Amy made sure that - every time she needed to fold the paper back or turn pages...she would thwack the woman on her head 3-4 times!!  It was a thing of beauty!!

The flight was without incident - except for when the flight attendants announced it was time to "return our seat backs and tray tables to their upright and locked position" once again...Suzanne gave the lady's seat back a good, solid and purposeful shove with her knees.  She folded her newspaper (with a quick thwack-thwack, just for emphasis!!) and we landed in Mumbai.

As we were leaving the plane...the Indian "no personal space allowance" became even more (violently?) evident...the man in the window seat literally began to climb over Suzanne's legs to get to the aisle where I was standing...  The plane unloads from both the front and the back...so - I announced that we'd be heading out the back-way and that I would see her on the tarmac.  It's the kind of airport without jetways...you board a bus that takes you to the terminal - - the personal space on the bus is laughable...it's indeed very "personal"...but with absolutely no "space"!!

As the people in front of me began to slowly make their way toward the door...I had to pause to let a very small girl, wrestling with her over sized backpack, get into the aisle in front of me.  All of a sudden, I get two hard shoves in the back from this squat little Indian fellow who was evidently in too big of a hurry to make his connecting-flight to offer any common human courtesy.  The little girl struggled in front of my knees, drag her backpack, and was beginning to head for the door.  And I get another hard shove in the middle of my back.

My reaction was instantaneous - and - perhaps a little bit louder than I wanted it to be.  Suzanne said she even heard me, back in our seats about ten rows up from where I was.

I turned around and bent slightly at the waist so I was eye-to-eye with the man.

"YOU'RE &%$#%$ KIDDING ME, RIGHT????"

He just looked down and mumbled, "I am sorry sir!"

Amy was still a while getting off the plane...and - by the time she got onto the tarmac, the first bus had left.  This was O.K. with us - - because the final bus was much less crowded...and the people traveling in the seats in front of us...and the sawed-off little man who was shoving me...made a mad dash to the crush of people who were sardined-onto the first bus!

Amy decided that a cappuccino would help the situation...so - we walked over to a small coffee-stand in the terminal.  There was one man in front of me in line.  As he left...another man came along my left side and began to order and pushed his money toward the coffee cashier.  I calmly (but forcefully) cut the guy off by putting my left elbow and forearm across his ribcage and gave him a bit of a hip-check.  When in India....act like an Indian, I guess!!